Mother's Day

I had the best Mother's Day Ever this year and probably the best yet.  One of the bonuses of Miss H getting older is she can do stuff on her own a little and she is amazing at doing things for special days.  Gets that for her mama!!!  

Being a single parent, holidays like Mother's Day don't really do much for me because it doesn't mean much when you gotta go buy your own gift and card and so on.  What's the point, it's just another day where you gotta do everything....yay me right??  

Well not this year.  Sunday morning I kind of was slowly waking up because the sun was up but was wanting to refuse it was actually time to get up.  Then I heard Miss H get up and she went right into the kitchen and I could hear her doing stuff in there.  Figured she woke up hungry and was going to put some cartoons on or something.  Next thing I know she's in my room and sets a plate on my stomach.  I open my eyes and I see her and the best breakfast in bed I have ever had. 

Doesn't get any better than that right there!!

 Then I opened my gifts and I just cried.  The poems that were included and the pictures she drew were amazing and just touched my heart in a way I didn't know a homemade gift could.  Hearing Miss H tell me thank you for being her mommy when I'm just thankful God let me be her mommy.  Just an amazing feeling and feeling my heart become so full with love and a joy and remembering why I do everything that I do is because of her.  

Love this picture she drew of us

Love that little girl more than anything!

Seriously the best Mother's Day I have had yet! 

 

Happy Mother's Day!!!

 Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommy's out there!!!!  

Hope you have a great day celebrating and enjoying the awesome job you do as a mother!!!

You agree???

 And something to remember....

Putting yourself first sometimes....really isn't always that bad!  Your actions speak louder than any words!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

A Letter to my Twenties

Dear Twenty Something Sarah,

Happy 20th Birthday Sarah!  You are a freshman in college and have just completed your first year.  You are slowly but surely coming out of your shell and becoming ok with who you are and soon you'll realize that people will actually love and enjoy being around the true Sarah.  Enjoy it! 

Happy 21st Birthday Sarah!  I am slightly disappointed in how you celebrated your 21st birthday.  You didn't get drunk!!  No keg parties, no keg stands....just a few college friends, your BFF and dinner and your first legal beer at BW3s a block from college.  Girl you need to lighten up!  Stop worrying about what people think of you and BE YOU!!!  You don't always have to be so mature and put together.  It is ok to mess up and make mistakes!!!  Eventually during this year you will be a guy who you think is amazing and can't believe that you may have actually met "the one".  Girlfriend...you need to learn to stand up for yourself.  NO MAN is ever worth putting yourself second before him.  YOU are Worth GOLD Sarah!!  Believe in yourself and have confidence in who you are, don't you let anyone put out the light that is inside your smile. 

Happy 22nd Birthday Sarah!!  Girlfriend you are in for a rough year, put your big girl panties on and get ready.  You are going to become a mom in this next year.  Yeah, that's big and it's going to scare you to death and you have no idea how  you are going to do it but somehow that strength that you have inside of you starts to slowly show up because you handle a lot in this year.  Being an unwed mom is not fun, the stares, the questions, being left out of college parties, your boyfriend doesn't take a ton of interest in how any of this effects you but he's trying.  You will doubt your self worth more than anything during this next year and I am so sorry about this but I promise you will get through it.  You will be called some horrible things but you'll be surprised by those that stand beside you and give you a hug and say it'll be ok.  Don't let those that put you down put out the light inside you, fight for it every day because you have a little girl who will depend on that light!  Yes you are having a girl, not a boy named Alex like you swore you would! 

Happy 23rd Birthday Sarah!! This is another hard birthday.  Reality just keeps hitting you in the face and you realize on this birthday you will give up a lot because you are a mom at such a young age.  This is the night that you should be out bar-hopping with all your college friends getting crazy and celebrating your Senior Year at UD.  Instead you sit and rock your baby girl as you cry about the road you see your life heading down.  You've always grown up too fast and you are still doing that.  It's ok to cry about this.  It's hard I know, you now have diapers and feeding schedules and how to teach Miss H to eat cereal when your friends are going to happy hours and dates and living the life outside of college.  This is another rough year for you but once again you make it through.  You are strong and remember that!!!  Stand up for yourself and when you can't, look at your baby girl.  She WILL give you the strength that you need to leave her daddy and go down another path of being a young single parent.  You will once again become embarrassed by certain events, but those events will make you stand up for yourself and cut ties with people that it should have happened a long time ago.  These moments really open up that fire inside of you to fight for what is right and the future you know you can give your daughter.  Just remember you WILL be ok!!

Happy 24th and 25th Birthday Sarah!!  Girl I hate to tell you but these are going to be the years you practically have tears stained on your face every weekend.  You move out on your own with Miss H and you promise yourself that you will not date anyone until you know you don't need a man to be happy.  It takes you a long time, about a good year and a half until you know you are ready.  Along this time you struggle with what else comes with being a single parent and that is visitation with the other parent and being separated from your baby girl and having to learn to let go of control and just pray that God will take care of her and keep her safe while she is away from you.  However, you meet an amazing man this year, who will teach you a lot about respecting yourself and he will become a friend for life even after you guys decide it isn't going to work.  Miss H will adore him forever and he will keep his promise of being a great example in her life. 

Happy 26th Birthday Sarah!!!  Congrats you have just been laid off from work after a long hard tax season.  You once again cry yourself to sleep so many nights scared to death how you are going to make it.  But fortunately, God really shows up this year and things start to look up.  You find a new job where you are appreciated and you learn to enjoy the small things with your daughter again and stop resenting the hard times.  You teach yourself what it means to dance in your bedroom singing with a hairbrush.  Oh and by the way...you are becoming an awesome mom!  You are so good at creating memories with Miss H and I promise she will remember them even when she is 7 years old.  Your daughter is strong because you show her how to be.  You fight for her and she may not realize it but just a few years down the road, she knows mom is on her team! 

Happy 27th - 29th Birthday Sarah!!!  You have really found Sarah inside.  Strangers now get to see the real Sarah, not the shy quiet and reserved one.  You are fooling no one anymore, they all know your giggle and appreciate your smile.  Your opinion is looked upon from others and you have no idea why.  But continue to fight for the real Sarah to shine!  It will bring some amazing new friends into your life and those will be the friends that will be there for you no matter what.  You have also become a true soccer mom!  You coach soccer one year even though you have no idea what you are doing but you enjoy it!  You are involved in Miss H's school and you know her teachers well and they know you.  You will be shocked at some of the things that people say and do to you at times, but move on.  It's not worth your time or energy...you are stronger and you know what is right in your heart...listen to that!  Also....you'll be shocked to know this...but you become a runner in your 29th year!!  Yes!!! It is so exciting and you can't believe what you can do!!!  I told you that the light inside of you was stronger than you knew and your heart is stronger than it leads on.  You also will have to make some tough decisions this year but you do it with grace and maturity.  You have definitely learned that you are worth more than to settle for things in life  You also experience becoming an Aunt not once but three times during these years.  Those little boys have a huge part in  your heart and you're amazed at how much you can love your sister's children.  Please, remember this one thing and never forget it because you often don't give yourself any credit for it.....YOU are one AMAZING MOM!!!!  You try harder than anyone and the stress you put on yourself is crazy but it pays off.  How so???  You'll see it in Miss H...just wait and see, you'll know when you can tell that your hard work is starting to show through her. 

Happy 30th Birthday Sarah!! 
Here we are about to turn 30 years old and we have accomplished a lot!  Girl you have been through hell and back and sometimes back again.  You have made a lot of mistakes along the way, you've had self doubt and had to fight through the consequences of that but we know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  You have the best daughter anyone could ever ask for who makes your heart smile in ways you didn't know it could.  Also, your best friend from 8th grade is still standing with you!  She is definitely your sister from another mother.  Let go of your 20s Sarah and move on to the 30s, you've made it this far and God only knows what they will bring but you KNOW you can handle it!!!  Be yourself, love yourself enough to stand up for you, and pray constantly!!!! 

Happy 30th Birthday to myself!!!! 

I can't believe I'm here, but let's go!!!! 

Life is about the journey with the little moments that shape who we become along the way and learning to enjoy every day we are blessed with and knowing that it's happened for a reason! 

 

#MomFail

So yesterday Miss H jumps in the car after I pick her up and she's all excited because she got her pictures back.

I'm immediately in panic mode...what pictures??

Miss H...you know mom...the ones you forgot about!!

opps...my bad

Didn't turn out too terrible though for us completely forgetting it was picture day. 

She may blend in with the background but at least her hair is combed and she's got a cute smile. 

RIGHT??? 

Oh well...memories people...it's all about memories!!

Also yesterday I did 2, yes TWO, workouts yesterday. 

I ran/walked while Miss H was at tumbling and then after dinner I did the 30 day shred. 

BOOM!!!

I am loving the scale this week too...I'll report on that Friday or Monday...which ever day I'm not feeling lazy!  <--- ha I'm funny!   (no you're not)

Messages from the Toliet Make my Heart Smile!!!

First things first...Miss H has been doing the cutest thing lately of grabbing my phone and taking pictures of herself or leaving me a video message.  It is the BEST surprise I get when I look back at the pictures on my phone and realize she left me a surprise.  My relationship with her has truly started to bloom lately.  I'm not sure what has happened but it's like she's finally opening up to me and talking to me about stuff and I love it!  This is something that I have always struggled to get her to do with me.  I want her to talk to me about anything and the fact that it's already forming makes my heart smile. 

Picture I found from Saturday this past weekend. 

 Her most recent video...yes she's on the toilet leaving me this message too  :)

This also happened this weekend.  Sunday morning while Miss H was at religion class I was going to head out for a walk.  Didn't plan on running just because it's still pretty painful to just walk a fast pace and I'm trying to slowly working my way back up and NOT get injured this time.  After walking a mile I was like, screw this I'm running even if I just run a block and then walk a block, I want to make this workout worth my while.  Mind you I had on a sweatshirt and my glasses on.  Obviously I wasn't planning on running!! 

It was tough but it was doable.  I was freaking hot with the sweatshirt on and we all know I don't like to be hot when I run!  Towards the end I wasn't walking at all, just running a nice slow and even pace and it felt so good!!!  I was shocked to see how many calories I burned!  And the weather was awesome.  Spring is here in Ohio and I couldn't be more happy about it.  Bring on the Spring/Summer runs!!!  I am ready!!!

Weekend Recap....I'm back at it and SORE!

This weekend was relaxing and crazy busy too at the same time.  Come Friday afternoon I was D.O.N.E with the week! 

After sporting this cute scarf all day

LOVE infinity scarfs right now and I FINALLY found one I love (NY and CO)

 I enjoyed a couple of these after I got home for the day while I made dinner and cleaned my house.  I rarely drink just because so when you see me doing this...you know it's been a LONG week!

Saturday I spent the entire day cleaning more and making food for family to come over for Miss H's birthday party.  It was a great time but just crazy I tell ya.  That kind of fun is exhausting! 

Fruit Pizza Idea I found on Pinterest...pretty close to the actual one I must say!!



Pretty good right??



All the yummy food I made.  No complaining from any of the guests how good everything was!

All ready for the party!

Love this sweater!!  I need 5 more like it

Ice Cream cake from the DQ

Cousins!  Seeing these 3 together warms my heart in ways I never thought possible

Then Sunday morning Miss H was dropped off at religion class at 9am and it was a nice day out and I decided I needed to get my butt out there and run again. 

It was in the 50s when I woke up...so perfect weather to head out in. 

I'll be honest...I've been scared of seeing how much I've lost what I worked so hard to do this past year in the couple of months I've taken off from running.  I knew it was gonna be bad and I knew my mind was gonna tell me I couldn't do it.  I headed out and did .7 miles and I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf in the Three Little Pigs story. 

I got to a stop light and couldn't believe how much my lungs hurt.  My legs were out of shape you could tell but OMG my lungs...where did they go??? 

I haven't had to concentrate this hard on keeping my breathing under control in so long....IT SUCKED!! 

I walked some and stretched on my legs and feet good...they were hurting and I could feel myself starting to limp.  The LAST thing I want is to get hurt again.  I gotta take better care of my feet and make sure I stretch out.  Got to another light and I started running again....felt a little better but it was still rough and then of course I hit a hill.  ERRR!

I made myself get to the top of the hill before I stop, caught my breathe again and started up again, run another long stretch and then walk again.  Started running again and FINALLY felt good and finished out the last half mile or so strong and ran the rest of the way.  I was tired and exhausted and couldn't believe how much that 2.7 miles sucked. 

It took me 35 miles to do that 2.7 miles.  yes I walked some so it would  have been faster if I ran...but I ran 5 miles in 55 minutes on Thanksgiving day...not cool!

I was mad at myself that I didn't keep up with my running but then I know it's really not been possible with it being cold out.  80% of my running has always taken place with Miss H out with me and I can't drag my kid out in the cold to run a couple of miles...I'm not THAT mean!  So it is what it is...I'm running further than I was a year ago at this time so I'll take it. 

Walking around my church parking lot and just stretching it out and reflecting on everything going on in my life I spotted an outdoor rosary area and the stations of the cross and I walked through them all and prayed the rosary in this area while I waited for Miss H to get out of class. 

Outdoor Rosary

It was one of the more peaceful things I have done in a long time.  The wind was blowing, the sun was shining through the branches and it was just me out there.  And it reminded me that sometimes in life things get crazy and busy and overwhelming and they don't always go the way we thought they would...but no matter what the basics of our life are always there. 

My faith is a true basic in my life.  I can't remember the last time I prayed the rosary but doing so felt very healing with everything I've been going through these last couple of months.  It reminded that I don't run for races or fast times...I run for me.  I run for that peaceful feeling I get being out on my own, just my thoughts and my feet on the ground. 

This morning I woke up crazy sore but I'm glad to be back at it. 

Bring on the Spring Running Season!

Miss H's Birthday Traditions

Yesterday was Miss H's 7th birthday. 

That's some crazy stuff there ya'll.  I have a 7 year old?!?!  How the heck that has happened, I'm not sure.  Literally just this past weekend I was picturing her at the age of 2 or 3 years old...and then BOOM...she's 7??? 

It's not fair I tell ya!

In my house...birthdays are a BIG deal.  Probably part of that is because my mom always made them a big deal but I've kind of taken them to the next level. 

And why shouldn't I??  Miss H's birthday is my Mama - versary (ya know...anniversary but with mama in the beginning...just incase you missed that...I probably would too). 

Miss H's birthday is PACKED FULL of traditions that I started on her very first birthday.  It amazes me that Miss H remembers them ALL.  If I try to skip one...she remembers.  Which honestly...that tells me that I've done it right! 

So here they are....Miss H's Birthday traditions. 

1.  Starts the day before...where I bake cupcakes and a treat to bring into school.  This part I dread and normally I am EXHAUSTED for some reason on this day. 

2.  Hide cupcakes from Miss H and decorate after she goes to bed. 

3.  Take off work to spend the day with her, bring her to school, have lunch with her, pick her up from school etc. 

4. Wake her up on the morning of her birthday singing happy birthday to her with a cupcake and candle lite in it.  She LOVES this...and so do I.  I tried to record me doing this, this year and I about dropped the cupcake and burned my house down doing so...so the video was worthless. 

5.  She gets to eat the cupcake first thing in the morning....it's her day...why not start your day off with a cupcake?!?! 

6.  She gets to open a present from me...it's always an outfit she gets to wear for her birthday. 

7.  I make her breakfast...eggs and french toast were her request this year. 

8.  Take pictures of her new outfit and see how much she has grown!

OMG is she cute??!!?!

Word to the wise....take a picture of your child in front of something that you will be able to look back and see how much they have grown! 

The picture on the left is her last year on her 6th birthday...she's grown a ton!!

9.  Take her to school, have lunch with her and celebrate her birthday with her friends. 

10.  We go out to dinner, where ever she wants for her birthday...to end the day. 

Went to Logan's of all places...she's obsessed with that place....because she has a friend named Logan.  ha!  I love this age!

And that is it.  Lots of hugs and kisses and a few happy tears and it's a great day!   Done exactly the same every year...and I don't think I'll ever stop.  I love that little girl more than anything in this world....and someday when she's grown...I want her to be able to look back on her birthday and realize how important that day is...not just for her...but for her mom and how much it means to have her in my life.  I am so blessed!!

Photo Dump

Things have been crazy busy lately and I'm feeling mentally drained and thinking about writing something on the blog is the last thing on my mind right now.  So in true laziness...here's some pictures to show what we've been up to! 

That's my awesome craftyness right there people....now go pin THAT to pinterest!  Puffy paint at it's best!

Been riding escaltors to entertain this girl....we cool like that. 

Been to two bridal shows....thought this was cool

Finally found a good Cake Cookie recipe thanks to my BFF...I should share the recipe huh?

It only took the 5th tooth loose for her to finally let me pull it out....she didn't even know I got it out until she saw it in the paper towel...and THEN the water works came.  She's labeled me the new "Tooth Puller Expert" 
I rock...I know. 



Best of all...I got my taxes DONE!  It only took a Friday night and a big glass of wine but I did it! 
Yes I have an accounting degree and yes I do my own taxes...nerd alert?!?!



Have I become a morning person??? 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now that's funny!

Nope! 

I got a cold and suddenly 10 hours of sleep isn't enough right now.  UGH! 

Can I Be.....a Morning Person???

Hi I'm Sarah....I am a Snooze-aholic, I have slept in ALL week and skipped every single one of my workouts.

All together now.... Welcome Sarah!

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!!!  

Never have been...I wait until the last second I need to get up and then rush around to get us ready and out the door.  

And I hate it!  

I would LOVE to be one of those mom's that rises before her children and has had breakfast and has time to sit down on the couch and drink some coffee and watch the news in the morning.  

Seriously you women who can do this....even though I don't understand you...I'm jealous you can do that!  

I'm kind of weird about it too...because I CAN get up early if I have to.  Remember this summer I was getting up at 4:30am! to run with my BFF or sister...I did it.  It's like knowing that someone was going to be at my door soon had me jump out of bed.  

Not sure how feasible that is to have someone come show up at my door every morning at 5am.  

Even on the weekends...I rarely sleep in.  Honestly!  The sun is up and I'm up even if I went to bed at after midnight I'm up for the day.  But why during the week can't I do it??  

 

 For example...last night I was in bed at 8pm.  Honestly, I was exhausted after Miss H went to bed, and I put a movie on in bed (I know bad habit there) and I only remember seeing the first 15 minutes of the movie and then I was out....so I'd say I was for sure out by 8:30pm...so one would think it would be no problem to get up at 5am to go to the gym.  

ERRR!  WRONG!  

I hit the snooze button all the way until 6:15am.  

wow did I just admit that...that's kind of embarrassing

And I'm being honest here...I really want to be a morning person.  I know that when I get up earlier it just makes  my day feel so much better.  I'm in control of the day and setting my family up for the best way possible for them to also have a great day.  At least that's what I envision instead of me yelling for Miss H to hurry up and get dressed cause we GOTTA GO SISTA!  

I mean I honestly would LOVE to be able to make my daughter a hot breakfast in the morning....there are so many reasons why I should get up out of bed in the morning!  

This morning I got to work and opened my good friend...Mr Google.  And this is the article I found...

  How to Become a Morning Person  

According to this article, I need to find my normal internal clock and I need to reset my internal clock.  

1. I need to plan to get 8 hours of sleep a night, so if I want up at 4:30-5am to run in the morning, that means bedtime at 8:30-9pm.  WOW, that's a lot different than I do now, going to bed at 10pm was doing good I thought.  

2. Need to have a regular schedule, no sleeping in on the weekends, it's gotta be consistent every day...ok I'd agree with that.  

3. Create a relaxing sleeping atmosphere:  Start preparing for bed 30 minutes before hand. 

           1. Take a hot bath (won't argue there!)

           2. Jot down things on mind in a diary/journal

           3. Meditate on relaxing your body (if you say so)

4. Put your alarm clock away from your bedside so you actually have to get up out of bed to turn it off.  hmmm...I've been known to climb right back bed...

5.  Get outside of the house within 10 minutes of waking up....I agree this works because by the time I get to the gym I feel great already.  

Sounds like a good plan...and I WANT to be a morning person.  Just going to take some adjusting to but I can do it right???  

Any suggestions to give me from you awesome morning people???  

Wish me luck!!

 

Loving Yourself Enough

If you have been reading my blog for a long period of time now or have read back far enough you will know that I am a survivor of domestic violence.  Some may say I'm a victim but I refuse to call myself that....it almost sounds like a dirty word to me.  Almost like being a victim means that the abuse is still going on...and it's not...because I survived to make a change.  A HUGE change that I pray every day will positively impact my daughter's life so that she knows better to even put up with the signs up initial abuse. 

I think my story probably starts like a lot of young girls....you find a guy...you think he's the world...you have so much fun together....you fall in love....and then he calls you a bitch. 

And then the excuses come...

Oh he was just drunk...he didn't mean it. 

The next day he says he's sorry and he loves me. 

It's all ok. 

Fast forward and next thing you know that little thing of him being ok calling you such a bad name...turns into grabbing your neck when you won't shut up. 

And when you finally have had enough and can't take it anymore and decide to stand up for yourself and his behavior...that's when reality hits.  Some times literally...your being thrown to the floor, phones are being broken so you can't call for help, etc etc. 

I know my story isn't as bad as many women's stories are of those who have experienced domestic violence and I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through something worse. 

I walked away with just bruises on my arms and a few scratches and was physically sore for a few days....but what happened to me emotionally took a toll that will forever be with me.  Some may say that it's a bad thing...but I look at it as something that woke me up, woke up a fire inside of me to stand up for myself. 

Something inside said I am worth it!  Being called names and not being respected....are NEVER ok. 

And you know what...the abusers know what they are doing.  My abuser once admitted to me "I know you aren't as weak as you once were and I can't get to you anymore" 

Whaaa?? 

WOW! 

The person I was just over 6 years ago...I honestly don't really know who that Sarah was.  I think if I saw that Sarah across the street or even in the mirror I wouldn't recognize her.  It makes me sad for who that Sarah was and how she didn't view herself being worth everything in this world and deserving the best that can be offered to her.  It makes me sad that, that Sarah didn't fight to deserve the best....somehow abusive behavior was....normal or ok to her.  Some how she was desensitized to abusive behavior to where it isn't a big deal. 

If you know me personally or if I've ever talked about any of this....you probably have heard me say....Miss H was my guardian angel sent down from heaven to wake me up. 

Yes I got pregnant out of wedlock.  Am I proud of that...no.  But would I take it back?  Absolutely not. 

It was the thing that I needed to happen to prevent me from marrying an abusive man and one day waking up and realizing it and being stuck in an abusive marriage.   I may have been too weak to stand up for myself...but what I wasn't weak about was my family, my daughter and the life I wanted her to have. 

I put up with her dad for 22 months...but once she was born, I only put up with him for 5 1/2 months.  

She is my guardian angel. 

Somehow my daughter, taught me to love myself.  Somehow it finally made sense that if I didn't take care of myself, I would never be able to take care of her. 

Slowly over the years...I've healed and become a much stronger woman that I ever thought I could be.  I know I'm worth it! 

I told myself I would never NEED a man ever again.  If I would ever let a man in my life again...it would be because I WANT him there...not because I NEED him. 

I told myself after I left, that I wouldn't date anyone until I knew I was ok being by myself, and I didn't, it took me well over a year until I was secure enough in myself to be ok being alone. 

All I need in life is God and my daughter and I have all I could ever imagine. 

Sometimes I think that's where us women get into trouble is when we are not confident to be on our own and know that we CAN DO IT!  It won't be easy...I'll tell ya that...but man, is it worth it! 

NOTHING is worth taking the emotional, mental and physical abuse.  N-O-T-H-I-N-G! 

Funny thing about abusive people....they don't just come out and BAM smack you around...it always starts small...and grows from there.  

So love yourself enough to stand up to someone calling you names, making derogatory hand motions and not being respected the way you should be.  Teach your children that those things are NEVER ok.  Sometimes in today's society somethings start to become normal and ok...but they really aren't. 

Somethings should NEVER be a joke....because sometimes a joke can lead to a serious abusive behavior. 

And no matter what....YOU are worth it!  Your children are worth it and they deserve to see a mom who can stand up for what is right.  And if you can't stand up for yourself, stand up for your children and that you NEVER want them to see abusive behavior as "normal." 

We Interrupt this Normally Scheduled "Fashion Friday" For...

the best running moment I've ever experienced!

Hope you'll forgive me for not having a "Fashion Friday" post this week...I just gotta share with you all the run I had Wednesday night. 

I can't even explain it but it was amazing.  I had no idea what was ahead of me in my run on Wednesday evening but I am so glad I didn't skip the run because I was seriously contemplating it. 

As you know, I've been training for a 5 mile (8k) Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving next week.  I've been doing pretty good with my training and squeezing it in when I have been able to find someone to watch Miss H for me.  Big thanks to my sister, Tony and my neighbor for helping me out with this!! 



pinterest

Even though I've been mostly keeping up with my training, it's been like pulling teeth to get me out on a run, if I can come up with an excuse, and it sounds good enough, I'd probably take it.  This week has been kind of difficult to find time when I'm going to get my runs in and yesterday I was really feeling guilty for not doing anything since Sunday and so when I got home I had every intention of asking my sister to watch Miss H so I could go get a 3 mile run in.  I needed to do 4 but I wasn't feeling it and figured anything is better than nothing.  Well on the ride home from work I kind of started to talk myself out of it.  Tomorrow night Miss H is with her dad, I'll just run tomorrow right during those couple of hours she is gone, my head was telling me.  But my heart told me, Sarah you could get two runs in if you ran tonight AND tomorrow night and so my head went back to running.  After I picked up Miss H from the sitter she was bugging me yet again to go play with the neighbor's daughter and so I figured I would ask her if Miss H could play with her so I wouldn't have to bug my sister and Miss H could have fun while I was getting a run in. 

So we got home and Miss H did a few of her chores and she was out the door to her friend's house and I changed into my running clothes and stretched and headed out. 

little chilly




pre-run - that smile is deceiving because I wasn't that happy to go run!

I did about 1/2 mile loop in my neighborhood and then headed towards the main highway.  I wanted to run somewhere different and I need to find some good paths to run with it getting darker out.  My neighborhood isn't the most well-lite area in parts of it and so I'm having to find some different routes to stay safe on my runs.  Hence the reason for the neon orange shirt I ran in.

I started out with the mind set I would do 3 but after a mile I was like, let's do 4 miles.  I always do that it seems, don't plan on going that far and then during the run I change my plans and push myself harder.  Heading out of my neighborhood wasn't bad, only about 1/2 mile there was no sidewalk for me to run on but it was still fairly light out yet when I was heading out.  I was tight and my feet felt very heavy during the first 2 - 2 1/2 miles and was thankful for the few moments of a break I got at a few stop lights just to stretch out my legs more. 

It was super busy out with cars and so I really had to watch it when crossing streets or entries into a few shopping centers.  I am definitely glad that I am ok to run without music and that I actually have adapted to preferring it over running with music.  I definitely have my eyes and ears alert at all times while running in a busy area.  I don't really know what I think about when I run, most of the time nothing, sometime I watch my shadow and realize that my form kind of looks like I'm skiing sometimes, or I pay attention to my form and try to take longer strides. 

A lot of times though I don't really give myself credit for what I'm doing.  Running is hard, I don't think anyone can go out and run and say it's easy, you have to put in an effort either physically or mentally or both on each run.  Every run is so different from the next that you never really know what it's going to be like until you just get out there and run.  I am naturally harder on myself and don't give myself credit for much of what I do.  You just do it!  Sometimes people will go on about how well I handle being a single parent and how I get so much done in the time I have to get everything done on my own with not much help.  Last night I closed a jewelry show and my hostess whose gotten to know me pretty well over the years, she went on about how she couldn't believe how much I got done in my evenings with making dinners, running, doing homework with Miss H, and all the other stuff that needs done.  And to be completely honest when someone says this stuff to me, it always kind of hits me, because I don't know how I do it.  I just do it...what other options do I have, ya know?  It's not a big deal...it's my job, it's my life, if I don't do it no one will.  I've heard people call me "Super Mom" more than once and I don't consider myself that at all, it's just what you do, right?  I think all mom's/parents are super parents for what we have to get done...I'm not any different from them.  <---see I don't give myself credit even if it's due. 

Well last night as I was coming back into my neighborhood and kind of scared for my life running in a semi-dark section with no sidewalks and hoping and praying to God that cars would see my neon orange shirt, which one jerk didn't and I had to quickly jump into the grass, I decided I was going to do 4.5 miles.  I could do it and I wanted to do it.  I needed to do it for my training.  The Turkey Trot is a week away, I can't slack now! 

I passed my street and kept going to do that last 1/2 mile loop again that I did when I started out and when I turned back to head home...something inside of me said  "Sarah let yourself be proud of yourself...look at what you have done!  It's ok to be proud of yourself!" 

And that voice was exactly right.  Where I was in that moment was the street that I have practically worn a path on since I started running back in April.  This street has so much meaning to me.  It's the street I turned on when I saw I was going to hit my first 2 mile run.  It was the street that I would push myself to not stop on those 4 blocks because of all the people outside working in their yards this summer and I wanted them to see me running, not walking.  It was the street that I started out walking on and pushing past painful shin splits and the pain in my feet from my plantar fasciitis.  So much sweat and effort as been pushed out on this street and here I was in November of the same year and about to finish 4.5 miles. 

And in that moment...the tears fell down my face.  

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I was/am so proud of myself for accomplishing something that is so hard. The fact that I haven't given up.  I've pushed past every ache and pain and sore muscle to get where I am today at being able to run over 4 miles.  I went from running with a partner to running by myself.  I've gone from the comfort of only running in my neighborhoods to running along highways.  All those moments of self-doubt that I would never be able to regularly run 3 miles and how hard I pushed to just get to 1 mile.  I worked through sore muscles, burning lungs, sweating so much my eyes would burn from the sweat....and here I am just finishing a 4.5 mile run. 

I started out only wanting to do 3 miles...and I went way beyond that and am so ready for that 5 miler next week. 

I can't believe what I have accomplished!  I never thought I could be a runner, never!  And last night on my run, part of me actually let myself believe that I am a runner and be proud of myself.  To actually be able to see and feel that hard work pays off and that you do eventually get somewhere is amazing! 



Tears of Joy and Pride!
Don't ya love what my runs do to my naturally curly hair...errr!



If I can set out to achieve a goal as hard as running is for me, then anyone can do it.  You just can't give up!  I'm sure there were a lot of doubters of me when I said I was going to start running.  Heck I was one of them!  I just hoped that I wouldn't give up and I haven't.  And today here I am and I am able to run over 4 miles and next week I will be a 5 mile runner! 

I have never cried after a run before and actually let myself be proud of how far I have come.  Last night I didn't let myself wonder how I have gotten here...I know how...through really hard work that I did all on my own! 

Last night I stood in my room and just cried.  Cried that I have reached my goal and that I know I'm capable of more and that it's only begun and I'm so proud of myself. 

Best part of it all, has been Miss H seeing me accomplish it!