A Letter to my Twenties

Dear Twenty Something Sarah,

Happy 20th Birthday Sarah!  You are a freshman in college and have just completed your first year.  You are slowly but surely coming out of your shell and becoming ok with who you are and soon you'll realize that people will actually love and enjoy being around the true Sarah.  Enjoy it! 

Happy 21st Birthday Sarah!  I am slightly disappointed in how you celebrated your 21st birthday.  You didn't get drunk!!  No keg parties, no keg stands....just a few college friends, your BFF and dinner and your first legal beer at BW3s a block from college.  Girl you need to lighten up!  Stop worrying about what people think of you and BE YOU!!!  You don't always have to be so mature and put together.  It is ok to mess up and make mistakes!!!  Eventually during this year you will be a guy who you think is amazing and can't believe that you may have actually met "the one".  Girlfriend...you need to learn to stand up for yourself.  NO MAN is ever worth putting yourself second before him.  YOU are Worth GOLD Sarah!!  Believe in yourself and have confidence in who you are, don't you let anyone put out the light that is inside your smile. 

Happy 22nd Birthday Sarah!!  Girlfriend you are in for a rough year, put your big girl panties on and get ready.  You are going to become a mom in this next year.  Yeah, that's big and it's going to scare you to death and you have no idea how  you are going to do it but somehow that strength that you have inside of you starts to slowly show up because you handle a lot in this year.  Being an unwed mom is not fun, the stares, the questions, being left out of college parties, your boyfriend doesn't take a ton of interest in how any of this effects you but he's trying.  You will doubt your self worth more than anything during this next year and I am so sorry about this but I promise you will get through it.  You will be called some horrible things but you'll be surprised by those that stand beside you and give you a hug and say it'll be ok.  Don't let those that put you down put out the light inside you, fight for it every day because you have a little girl who will depend on that light!  Yes you are having a girl, not a boy named Alex like you swore you would! 

Happy 23rd Birthday Sarah!! This is another hard birthday.  Reality just keeps hitting you in the face and you realize on this birthday you will give up a lot because you are a mom at such a young age.  This is the night that you should be out bar-hopping with all your college friends getting crazy and celebrating your Senior Year at UD.  Instead you sit and rock your baby girl as you cry about the road you see your life heading down.  You've always grown up too fast and you are still doing that.  It's ok to cry about this.  It's hard I know, you now have diapers and feeding schedules and how to teach Miss H to eat cereal when your friends are going to happy hours and dates and living the life outside of college.  This is another rough year for you but once again you make it through.  You are strong and remember that!!!  Stand up for yourself and when you can't, look at your baby girl.  She WILL give you the strength that you need to leave her daddy and go down another path of being a young single parent.  You will once again become embarrassed by certain events, but those events will make you stand up for yourself and cut ties with people that it should have happened a long time ago.  These moments really open up that fire inside of you to fight for what is right and the future you know you can give your daughter.  Just remember you WILL be ok!!

Happy 24th and 25th Birthday Sarah!!  Girl I hate to tell you but these are going to be the years you practically have tears stained on your face every weekend.  You move out on your own with Miss H and you promise yourself that you will not date anyone until you know you don't need a man to be happy.  It takes you a long time, about a good year and a half until you know you are ready.  Along this time you struggle with what else comes with being a single parent and that is visitation with the other parent and being separated from your baby girl and having to learn to let go of control and just pray that God will take care of her and keep her safe while she is away from you.  However, you meet an amazing man this year, who will teach you a lot about respecting yourself and he will become a friend for life even after you guys decide it isn't going to work.  Miss H will adore him forever and he will keep his promise of being a great example in her life. 

Happy 26th Birthday Sarah!!!  Congrats you have just been laid off from work after a long hard tax season.  You once again cry yourself to sleep so many nights scared to death how you are going to make it.  But fortunately, God really shows up this year and things start to look up.  You find a new job where you are appreciated and you learn to enjoy the small things with your daughter again and stop resenting the hard times.  You teach yourself what it means to dance in your bedroom singing with a hairbrush.  Oh and by the way...you are becoming an awesome mom!  You are so good at creating memories with Miss H and I promise she will remember them even when she is 7 years old.  Your daughter is strong because you show her how to be.  You fight for her and she may not realize it but just a few years down the road, she knows mom is on her team! 

Happy 27th - 29th Birthday Sarah!!!  You have really found Sarah inside.  Strangers now get to see the real Sarah, not the shy quiet and reserved one.  You are fooling no one anymore, they all know your giggle and appreciate your smile.  Your opinion is looked upon from others and you have no idea why.  But continue to fight for the real Sarah to shine!  It will bring some amazing new friends into your life and those will be the friends that will be there for you no matter what.  You have also become a true soccer mom!  You coach soccer one year even though you have no idea what you are doing but you enjoy it!  You are involved in Miss H's school and you know her teachers well and they know you.  You will be shocked at some of the things that people say and do to you at times, but move on.  It's not worth your time or energy...you are stronger and you know what is right in your heart...listen to that!  Also....you'll be shocked to know this...but you become a runner in your 29th year!!  Yes!!! It is so exciting and you can't believe what you can do!!!  I told you that the light inside of you was stronger than you knew and your heart is stronger than it leads on.  You also will have to make some tough decisions this year but you do it with grace and maturity.  You have definitely learned that you are worth more than to settle for things in life  You also experience becoming an Aunt not once but three times during these years.  Those little boys have a huge part in  your heart and you're amazed at how much you can love your sister's children.  Please, remember this one thing and never forget it because you often don't give yourself any credit for it.....YOU are one AMAZING MOM!!!!  You try harder than anyone and the stress you put on yourself is crazy but it pays off.  How so???  You'll see it in Miss H...just wait and see, you'll know when you can tell that your hard work is starting to show through her. 

Happy 30th Birthday Sarah!! 
Here we are about to turn 30 years old and we have accomplished a lot!  Girl you have been through hell and back and sometimes back again.  You have made a lot of mistakes along the way, you've had self doubt and had to fight through the consequences of that but we know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  You have the best daughter anyone could ever ask for who makes your heart smile in ways you didn't know it could.  Also, your best friend from 8th grade is still standing with you!  She is definitely your sister from another mother.  Let go of your 20s Sarah and move on to the 30s, you've made it this far and God only knows what they will bring but you KNOW you can handle it!!!  Be yourself, love yourself enough to stand up for you, and pray constantly!!!! 

Happy 30th Birthday to myself!!!! 

I can't believe I'm here, but let's go!!!! 

Life is about the journey with the little moments that shape who we become along the way and learning to enjoy every day we are blessed with and knowing that it's happened for a reason!