Stress...It's a Killer There Sir...

If you know where the title of this post is from...you just got way cooler in my book.  But sadly it's probably only my sister Tracy who will get it.  This line always used to crack us up in our slap happy moments.  We are true blonde's sometimes. 

However, right now...that title is pretty much how I am feeling. 

Stressed. 

I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders. 

Not sure if it's because I'm a single parent or if that's just how it is no matter what kind of parent you are.  

Of course everyone gets stressed...we lead busy lives and things just get crazy. 

And because of my stress I think...I'm continuing the 1.5lb dance and it's literally just upsetting. 

Not that, that's ALL I'm stressed out (i'm not that obsessed)...that's just the cherry on top of it all. 

Some of my stress I'm sure I just add more pressure to myself than needed but I can't help it. 

What is my stress? 

- Making sure I'm the best parent I can be for Miss H. 

- Raising her to learn good morals and values. 

- Making sure I'm around enough and provide a positive impact on her life.

- Making sure she knows her manners and uses them. 

- Making sure she knows who God is....this is a lot harder than I thought with a child who is constantly asking "why do we have to go to church"....ughhh...because we have to??  I don't remember ever asking those kinds of questions growing up....not prepared for those kinds of questions. 

- Being involved in her life and knowing who she is around.  (Friends, teachers, parents, etc etc.) 

-Making sure she's not spoiled but not missing out on anything just because I am a single parent. 

- Teaching her that material things don't matter, it's what's in your heart that matters and what kind of person  you are. 

- Raising her to be proud of who she is and not being ashamed because she's different (read that as arguments about her wearing her glasses when no one else does in her class). 

Some of this may seem silly...but when all of that is thrown at just one person...ie Mom...meaning Me...that's a lot. 

No one to back me up when I need help.  It all falls on my shoulders....and it is hard sometimes.  No one to help make decisions on how to raise my daughter or to bounce ideas off on how to go about something....it's all me and sometimes I just don't have the answers. 

Then we just have the day to day stuff...that just sometimes takes more energy than I have to give in a day. 

I'm exhausted.  Drained and Feel Overwhelmed some days. 

Not even touching on the financial stress of being a single parent alone can make me just want to hide under the covers and hope it eventually goes away. 

It's  hard.  Real hard sometimes and I don't think anyone can get how hard it is to have all of that on your shoulders until you've been in those kind of shoes before. 

Would I change anything about it? 

No...I love being a mom....it's just hard.  And very stressful. 

Being a parent is hard....being a single parent is hard.  There's no way around it...just gotta push through and hope you can do your best through the process. 

Times like this are when I really pray  for God not to throw anything else on my plate. 

No surprises please...I can't handle it. 

Sometimes I look at myself and am amazed I'm able to keep it together so well.  Not exactly sure how it happens but I do. 

I just keep telling myself...it'll get better...it can't be like this forever.  It just can't. 

I can see now why I've gained so much weight in the last 6 years.  These past 6 years have not been easy.  They have taken a lot out of me sometimes and I guess food became a tool to make me feel better. 

I just gotta remind myself that life isn't easy for anyone, we all have our own battles going on that cause stress and we just have to keep going.  There is no option of stopping or giving up....you just can't. 

You take a good cry in the shower and then come out feeling better and ready to take everything on again. 

I think I'm due for a good cry or a good hard run.  The run sounds better! 

Right  now where I am in my weight is where I was in one of the most difficult times in my life 6 years ago, so it's kind of ironic that being at this weight again is just hard. 

I hate this weight I'm at...I want it gone and to start over with my new journey where I should have started 6 years ago.  I've been here for too long and it's become expired and overrated and isn't welcomed anymore...you need to go you 6lbs I've been fighting to lose!  Just disappear already!