Mix of everything...even a pitty party!

Last night I did not get my 2 mile run in like I wanted to.  We didn't get home from swim lessons until late and by the time I got Hailey in bed it was getting too dark out.  Lately though I am really struggle with my mind when it comes to running and just my self imagine in general. 

I KNOW I can run 2 miles...if not 3 without stopping but my mind likes to tell me otherwise and man lately my mind has been winning.  And that is NOT good for the 5k I am planning on running this Saturday.  I've really gotta get this in check or Saturday is not going to go well.  Anyone has any words of wisdom on this I'd love to hear it.  I know I just gotta keep telling myself I can do it but man that's even hard.  ugh!  I know I'm a whiner! 

I'm at a stop light...don't freak out!

Today on my lunch hour I ran out of work (that's literally almost true) and needed to get outside.  For 1 I needed to unthaw from the air conditioning at work...geez!  2 I just need to get out in the sun...it's a beautiful day and I love the sunshine!  And I found my way to this place...

Da Da Duuuuunnnnn  

I've heard some good things about Targets workout gear and wanted to check it out.  I'm on the hunt for some shorts that won't ride up while running because the cotton knee capri things I normally wear are just too dang hot right now in this summer heat.  I also really wanted to try on some 14s.  (yes you now know my size I was when I first started on my weight loss journey...a 16......yikes-o-rama!)  Don't tell anyone k? 

Loved the target workout stuff..snagged some shorts for $8 and a new tank for $5, I like the fit of it and it's muffin top friendly!  SCORE! 

Also grabbed a pair of 14 jean capris....AND....it wasn't pretty but I was able to zip them up!  WHOOHOO!!  Good Target trip...hopefully next time I'll actually be buying the 14s! 

Speaking of clothes...its nice that a lot of my clothes that were on the tighter side are now fitting way better and if anything almost too loose on me.  In my waist it is some but majorly in my thighs and buttocks!  Very good feeling and it's nice to have more options in my closet than the 1-2 pairs of black slacks that fit me for work!  Benefit #987 why losing weight rocks! 

Also something else that I'm really hoping with my weight loss is that my self-image of myself comes up.  Aren't we the hardest on ourselves?  Amen sista! 

Growing up it was really hard for me to be shaped different than my sisters.  It was often pointed out to me in not so nice ways.  And I was never really overweight growing up which is honestly sad.  When I graduated high school I weighed 150lbs...that's a healthy weight for my height (5'5") but sadly, and we all do this to ourselves, I didn't see it like that then.  I thought I needed to be smaller and be more like my sisters.  Side note...I'm not bashing my sisters at all...I love them to death and they are very beautiful and great sisters to have!!  They would never say anything to me about how I was shaped different than them...yes we would joke sometimes about boobs but whateva...that's a sister thing! 

I remember growing up and being told I would get cancer someday because I was overweight.  Yeah...no lie.   And again...I wasn't overweight when I graduated high school...right where I should be but I wasn't happy because of what I had been told.  Did you know that for every 1 negative thing said to someone you have to say 10 positives to forget that 1 negative.  I did not hear much positive when I growing up about  myself.  And you know what....that's ok.  Because when I meet my goals...I will have accomplished it on my own and built myself up.  I can't wait to be able to show that to Miss H someday!  No matter what life throws at you...YOU can change its course and make it a positive!

And I still struggle with the things that I was told growing up.  It sucks.  I am a very confident person in pretty much all aspects of my life...but when it if comes to something directly about my looks, weight, or being accepted for those things....I can get very insecure about myself because I don't know what its like to be accepted for who I am.  It's actually really really hard for me to do that, especially in the dating world.  And I have to subconsciously make a decision to be confident in who I am...it's not my first initial thought!  So sad....let's feel sorry for Sarah now!  ha!

It also effects my ability to make myself a priority even in the few moments that I do put myself first.  Making it a priority to excerise is hard being a single parent, and I'm sure it's hard for all moms, because it's not an easy thing to do especially when you don't have access to a gym easily or there are a million things around the house you could constantly be cleaning up or putting away. 

But....something I learned almost 6 years ago was....if I don't take care of myself....I won't be able to properly care for for Miss H.  And that is the HONEST truth!  If I don't make my health a priority NOW...will I be around for college graduation or grandkids and be able to play with them?  It is extremely hard because it's not the most convienent thing for me to do sometimes, to make myself a priority and to ask for help with watching Miss H for an hour here or there so I can do that...but I have to.  There are no excuses anymore...like Nike says....JUST DO IT! 

On a lighter note....On my way back to work I saw the most AMAZING thing EVER, that I have been CRAVING like a monkey craving bananas.....

If  your in the Dayton/Cincinnati area and you've never had Graeter's Ice Cream....seriously get out from your rock  you've been in and go right now and get some ice cream.....I'll wait for you. 

I drove by the place and see that they have ropes up because they are paving the black top BUT there are cars IN the parking lot.  I'm not kidding...I circled that store 3x and still could NOT figure out how those people got in or how anyone was going to get out of that parking lot!  Guess it was for a reason.....no ice cream for me.  BOO HOO!